Not Viable

 We did not get the news that we were praying for.

On Monday we went in for our ultrasound hoping that our baby's heartbeat had gotten stronger.

Unfortunately, they weren't able to find a heartbeat at all.

Not only was there no heartbeat, but they also said that our pregnancy had regressed.

I think the worst part for me was the devastation that I saw on Chris's face.

He stayed so positive throughout this whole ordeal. In fact he was initially excited when we first saw the ultrasound because he could see the gestational sack and thought the baby was fine. When she told us she couldn't find the heartbeat he looked shocked and then shattered.

After the ultrasound we went upstairs and talked with our fertility doctor. She expressed her condolences and made another appointment for me for next week.

After the ultrasound I stopped the estrogen and progesterone. Now it will be just a wait game. I haven't started bleeding yet and have no idea when it will start.

I took today off work, but am planning to go back tomorrow.

I don't think I can handle sitting around waiting for the miscarriage. Last time it took weeks before it started and lasted about a week.

Although I couldn't seem to stop crying yesterday, today I have been feeling completely numb. 

I want to thank all my amazing friends and family who have been so supportive. I honestly don't know what I would do without you all.

Ongoing

It has been so hard for me to write this post.

Last Friday I went in to have my ultrasound with both my husband and my dad.

We were overjoyed to see our baby and to actually be able to see its heartbeat.

Our joy soon turned to confusion and fear when our technician explained that our baby was measuring 6 weeks and 1 day instead of 7 weeks. She also went on to tell us that our heartbeat was low at 73 instead of being over 100.

They explained that there is a chance that the heart rate can increase and we could still have a normal pregnancy, but that there is cause for concern that it will not be a viable pregnancy.

They contacted the Regional Fertility Clinic to let them know the results of our ultrasound.

We were asked to go upstairs where we waited for about an hour to talk to one of the doctors working.

When we finally got in it was completely awful. The doctor we saw had absolutely no bed side manner. I know they need to be honest with us, however, he immediately told us that we need to prepare that we were going to have a miscarriage.

Chris was so upset he interrupted him to explain that I had been through this before and that we didn't need to hear all this negativity. He went on to say that we would have appreciated some positively or at least been given a glimmer of hope.

We left devastated and with me in tears.

I have another ultrasound booked for Monday.

Now all I can do is pray for a miracle... and yet again, I am asking for all your prayers as well.