On Monday we went in for our ultrasound hoping that our baby's heartbeat had gotten stronger.
Unfortunately, they weren't able to find a heartbeat at all.
Not only was there no heartbeat, but they also said that our pregnancy had regressed.
I think the worst part for me was the devastation that I saw on Chris's face.
He stayed so positive throughout this whole ordeal. In fact he was initially excited when we first saw the ultrasound because he could see the gestational sack and thought the baby was fine. When she told us she couldn't find the heartbeat he looked shocked and then shattered.
After the ultrasound we went upstairs and talked with our fertility doctor. She expressed her condolences and made another appointment for me for next week.
After the ultrasound I stopped the estrogen and progesterone. Now it will be just a wait game. I haven't started bleeding yet and have no idea when it will start.
I took today off work, but am planning to go back tomorrow.
I don't think I can handle sitting around waiting for the miscarriage. Last time it took weeks before it started and lasted about a week.
Although I couldn't seem to stop crying yesterday, today I have been feeling completely numb.
I want to thank all my amazing friends and family who have been so supportive. I honestly don't know what I would do without you all.
Oh Lori, I am so heartbroken for you. I can't even imagine what you are feeling. I know from experience there is nothing I can say I wish there were I wish I was young and could give you my eggs I wish we both had an easy time making babies. I wish deserving ppl got to be parents over messes who have them. I hope this passes quickly with little pain. I tried to go natural for all four of mine but the third one wouldn't happen so I took the pills over a dnc but that was the worst experience of my life and ended up having to do a dnc anyways. I wouldn't recommend the pills to my worst enemy. I love you and please let me know if you need anything or want to talk!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Candace. I heard that the pills were awful so I'm not planning to take them. I'm hoping that it will happen naturally and quickly. The waiting is the worst. I'm so sorry that you went through this four times! You are such an amazing strong lady! The one blessing is that I have amazing friends and family who have been so unbelievably supportive. Love you too!
ReplyDeleteyes having support is the main thing that's for sure. Once you finally get your rainbow baby your life will change so dramatically you honestly get a different feeling about the miscarriages. Our 2nd one affected us the worst we felt like is this going to happen for us or not? Having Reid the 3rd and 4th were sad but nothing as hard as the other 2. You are amazing and I pray for you all the time and have friends praying for you too!!
ReplyDeleteI am so, so very sorry about your loss, Lori. You and Chris have been through so much and I am just devistated for you. I know exactly how you feel about dreading the wait for things to happen naturally. I was too scared when I was diagnosed with a mmc last year and I scheduled a DNC that day. I was just too scared of the unknown. You are so strong! This journey is insane and I wish those of us who want a baby don't have to go through such turmoil to realize our dream. We have decided to take a step back from IVF for right now, since the last one didn't work. My RE had me on a priming cycle before the stim cycle so really the whole process takes two months. We just don't want to go through it again if we get more bad eggs. We are looking into donor eggs and are trying to decide on a live donor or a frozen egg bank. Of course this is all very expensive and insurance won't cover it (I've been lucky in that my insurance covered a ton of my IVF costs), but donor eggs are not covered. I'm the meantime we are trying on our own (with a little help from Clomid) just to see if that one last good egg pops up. Hope is all you can do, right? I will say a prayer for you and Chris today to heal and recover from this. Big hugs!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for the support Teri. I understand wanting to take a break. I hope that you get your 'good' egg. I'm not sure what our next step is going to be... I can't even think about it yet. I will keep you in my prayers.
DeleteIt's not something I've felt comfortable talking about, but Mike & I had a loss about two years ago. We had just told our girls (after waiting until we thought it was safe) that they were going to have a baby brother/sister, then our worst fear happened. I'm so sorry Lori. Hugs to you & your family. <3
ReplyDeleteKirsten I am so sorry to hear that you also experienced a miscarriage. I am always shocked to hear how many people I know have experienced a loss. It is one of the reasons I started this blog. Initially I had no idea how common they were. Because it is such a painful experience so many women don't like to talk about it.
Delete