Research

After our last let down I have spent hours and hours researching all the different options that are still available for us.

I wish I had know / had more information about some of these options earlier, although maybe I've needed to go through all these stages in order to get to the place I am now.

Hopefully this information will help someone else who is just starting out on this journey. Maybe it will help them to make some decisions and perhaps save them some time!

Option 1- Continue trying IUI / IVF

Option 2- Adoption- both regular and private

Option 3- Embryo Adoption

Option 4- Egg donation

I gathered a lot of information in the past month and to prevent writing a ridiculously long post I have decided to write a separate post for each option. I will also fill you in on which Chris and I finally decided to choose.

I should also mention that there is of course also...

Option 5- Live without Children

But honestly this really isn't an option for us right now as Chris and I are not ready to give up!

Bad News

Bad news... it didn't work... again! 

My heart is broken and I think I'm in disbelief. I really hoped that it was going to work for us.

I'm sorry I didn't update sooner, but after I had the IUI procedure done I went home to visit with my family. I didn't bring my laptop with me and I enjoyed just spending time with everyone.

At first I was hopeful then the lower back pain started and I knew it hadn't worked yet again.

The hardest part was having to tell Chris.

I'm back in Calgary now just trying to build myself up and figure out what our next steps are going to be.

One More Day

So much has happened since my last post.

I went in on Thursday to have another ultrasound and to have my blood work taken. Yet again I found out that my follicles are growing...
growing slowly, but still growing!

The doctor told me he thought they would be big enough to trigger Friday night and therefore have my IUI on Sunday. He asked me to come in on Friday morning (today) for another ultrasound, but that I didn't need to get the blood work taken. I was told I wouldn't have to get a number and wait, but instead they made an appointment for me for 9:25 a,m.

Later that afternoon, I received a phone call that the doctor changed his mind and wanted me to go in for both the blood work and the ultrasound. So my appointment was cancelled and instead I would need to go when the doors opened at 6:00 a.m. to get a number.

Of course when they called I was working and I didn't really process anything. It wasn't until afterwards that I started worrying that they might had found something in my blood work that made him want me to have it taken again.

After work I noticed I had a message on my phone. When I listened to the message it was from someone at the Regional Fertility Clinic. The message mentioned that they wanted me to get the blood work taken and that she wanted to go over the dosages of medication I was taking...

Dosages?

The person I spoke to on the phone hadn't mentioned any change in dosages so of course my mind began spinning yet again. When I tried to call back my call went straight to their answering service. I left a message, but didn't hear back from anyone.

Not sure what to do I just took my regular dosages and hoped for the best!

This morning I woke up with a start at 5:18 and realized I had forgotten to set my alarm the night before. I quickly got ready and drove to the clinic. I was shocked to discover I was going to be fourth in line.

Thank goodness I got fourth as it was extremely busy and I ended up getting to work just as the bell was ringing.

During my ultrasound I was relieved to learn that my follicles had continued growing and that I was ready to trigger. I was a little disappointed to learn that three more follicles had started growing, but that all but one would be too small. (I was disappointed because I had originally hoped to get 5 or 6 follicles so we could switch to IVF- unfortunately my extras came too late.)

With the extra one that might grow large enough I have four follicles... and hopefully four healthy eggs!

Tonight at midnight I will need to take my trigger shot.

Trigger shot- " injection of a medication called HCG, which causes the eggs to complete the maturation process. This is taken only once in the cycle. Release of the eggs should occur about 36-46 hours after the shot."                                          

 - Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago

Then Chris will go into the clinic Sunday morning to give his sperm sample to be washed and I will go in at 1:30 to have the IUI procedure. 

One more day and then it will be completely out of our hands.

Still Growing

This morning I had another appointment to check my blood work and see how my follicles are growing.

And I found out they are growing... albeit slowly!

So they wrote me another prescription for the next couple of days and they want me to go back on Thursday for another ultrasound and blood work.

So there is still hope.

I can't help but think about the phrase 'slowly but surely.'

Hopefully my follicles will slowly but surely grow and mature.
Day 12, shots 37

Still Hoping

On Saturday I went in for yet another ultrasound and to have my blood work taken.

I was happy to learn that my follicles have grown, albeit slowly.

The doctor on call was so sweet and was trying to be so positive. As she came into the room she said:

 "Three follicles! The perfect number we like to see for an IUI';"

not knowing of course that I had been hoping to have enough follicles to switch to IVF. When I mentioned this she said that next time they just have to increase my amounts... again not realizing that I'm already on the highest dose.

But as I keep reminding myself there is still hope. Although, things didn't go as I had initially wanted, there is still a chance that this round will work.

So tomorrow morning I go in again for another ultrasound and to get my blood work taken.

Hopefully my follicles are still growing...

Hopefully there are some healthy eggs growing inside...

Hopefully those eggs mature...

Hopefully this third round is the lucky round we have been waiting for!

Day 11, Shots 33

Roller Coaster Ride Continued

Roller coaster ride doesn't even begin to cover the myriad of emotions that I have been going through the past few days.

As I mentioned in my last post I was so disappointed to only have three follicles this round, but yesterday things got even worse. When I went for my ultrasound and blood work I found out that my follicles had not grown much at all.

The doctor who performed the ultrasound expressed his concern that we might have to cancel the round. He wanted to wait and see what my blood work showed. If my estrogen wasn't increasing then we would have to cancel.

So I went home and cried, and cried, AND CRIED.

Thankfully I had taken a personal day and had made plans with a good friend. This made me wipe my tears, take a deep breath and get up and go out.

So while I waited to hear back from the clinic we went for a pedicure and went to Canmore for lunch. Believe it or not I was actually able to enjoy myself and was able to take my mind off everything for a short time.

By 2:00 everything changed. I still hadn't gotten a phone call and I started panicking. I knew that if I was continuing I was going to need to get to the pharmacy before they closed at 3:30. (I found out later they actually close at 3:00 so I had even less time then I actually thought!)

If you've read any of my previous posts you will know that it is almost impossible to actually get to talk to anyone directly... you almost always have to leave a message and wait for them to call you back. This time was no exception. I had to call three different times and leave different messages one with the IUI extension, one with reception and one with the IVF extension.

Thankfully I finally did get a return phone call and was told that my estrogen had gone up so off we rushed to get to the pharmacy before it closed. We got there just in time!

Tomorrow I go in for another ultrasound and blood work.

To be honest, I'm not feeling very optimistic.

Day 8, shots 20

Disappointed

Sometimes I feel like this is never going to happen for us. 

Today was one of those days. 

I've been trying to psych myself us for this final third round, hoping that the added DHEA was going to make the difference for us- that this time we would get enough eggs to be able to switch to an IVF cycle.

If you haven't already guessed there isn't much hope of that happening.

When I went in for my ultrasound and blood work this morning they only found three follicles and the 0.9 cyst. I asked if there was any chance of growing more and I was told that there is, however, the problem lays in them not growing big enough, fast enough.

So unfortunately there is nothing I can do, but continue taking my meds and keep praying and hoping. 

I go back for another ultrasound and blood work on Thursday.

Asking for all the prayers you can send my way!

Day 5, Shots 12 *

*Every other day I end up having to take an extra Gonal f shot, because there isn't enough in the pen to make the full 450