No News

This morning I woke up early to get to the Lab Services before they opened. The clinic opens at 6:30 and I arrived around ten after six. Imagine my surprise when there was actually 11 people in front of me waiting!

Luckily I did get finished in enough time to get to work on time.

I kept my phone with me all afternoon (something I never do), but unfortunately I didn't hear anything from the Regional Fertility Clinic.

When they gave me the results last Friday, the nurse on the phone did mention that I would have the blood work taken today and then get the results tomorrow. I was, of course, hoping that I would find out this afternoon.

I'm now hoping that I will find out first thing tomorrow morning before I go to work. I have to work to until around 8;30 p.m. tomorrow so I hope it is good news. I can't imagine how I'll get through the day if it is bad!

Still Hope

This morning I went to have my blood work taken.

I waited until 8:00 as I was hoping to miss all the people who were having to fast. My strategy worked as I didn't have to wait long.

I asked the lady who took my blood how long it would take for the results to come in and she told me that it depended on the test being taken. She went on to say that it would probably be tomorrow.

When I got home I called the Regional Fertility Clinic to let them know that I went in to have my blood work taken. I also pleaded that if there was any way to get the results of my blood work today that they please call me as soon as possible.

Around 12:00 I got the phone call from the Regional Fertility Clinic. When I saw their number I hesitated for a second because I didn't know whether I wanted to know or not.

Thankfully the news was good... kind of.

My HSG levels have risen!

They are now at 268. (Typically at 4 1/2 weeks they are between 270-1100.)

As they are still a little low, they are sending me for blood work again Friday. Depending on the results we will hopefully know more. The nurse mentioned that they may also send me for an early ultrasound to make sure that it isn't an ectopic pregnancy.

"Ectopic pregnancy, also known as eccyesis or tubal pregnancy, is a complication of pregnancy in which the embryo attaches outside the uterus. Signs and symptoms classically include abdominal pain and vaginal bleeding." - Wikipedia

I am hoping and praying that they are just slow to raise and that this is still a viable pregnancy.

So yet again I am asking for your prayers... they worked last time!

Mixed News

My heart is so heavy right now.

On Sunday morning Chris and I decided to do a pregnancy test before I left to get my blood work.

I wanted to do it because I was afraid if the blood work turned out negative I didn't want to find out Monday morning while I was at work.

We were absolutely overjoyed when it was positive! We quickly called our parents to share our exciting news. Although, I was still feeling a little nervous I was thrilled and felt like it was finally going to happen for us.

This morning just before I started work I received a phone call from the Regional Fertility Clinic. I was so excited to see the number thinking I was going to get my much anticipated confirmation.

But my excitement soon turned to anguish.

The lady on the phone informed me that although the blood work showed that I was pregnant my hCG levels were not as high as they would expect.

My levels were around 170 and they would expect to see them around 270 (I can't remember the exact numbers to be honest as I was feeling numb).

She went on to ask me if I would be able go for blood work again tomorrow so they can check to see if my levels are rising or decreasing.

Best case scenario my levels are just slow to rise. Worse case would be that the embryo(s) implanted in the wrong spot or it (they) are not viable.

I've booked tomorrow off so that I can go in and get the blood work done in the morning, and I'm hoping that I will receive word from the Regional by the afternoon. I decided to book the whole day off as I can't imagine getting bad news there... today was hard enough.

I'm asking anyone and everyone who is reading this to please pray for us.

Hopefully I can become one of the low hCG level success stories that I've been researching online!

Over 1/2 Way There

I'm just a little over half way through the two week wait.

Every single day I struggle to stay positive and not obsess!

I was feeling really discouraged when we didn't get any fertilized eggs to the blastocyst stage and thereby get frozen.

I felt somewhat comforted when searching online and finding out that typically only half of a women's eggs are viable, not all eggs will fertilize,  and typically less than half of those eggs make it to a blastocyst.

To be honest I don't know how accurate these stats are, but they did make me feel better.

In the past week I have experienced:

bloating, nausea, breast tenderness, lower back pain, and twinges in my uterus

Of course all of these symptoms can be for pregnancy or PMS... AND they all can be side effects of the estrogen and progesterone that they have me on.

So I won't really know anything until I have the blood work done and get the phone call from the Regional Fertility Clinic confirming either way.

In the meantime I am continuing to be hopeful and pray that we will finally get pregnant.

What's Happening

Now that the egg transfer procedure is done the hardest part of the entire process has begun...

The two week wait!

Up until now I have been busy taking a variety of pills, gels and a nasal spray that had to be administered 5 times a day.

In short, I didn't really have time to obsess... now I am quickly making up for lost time.

For three days before having the transfer we were receiving a daily update on how our eggs were doing. Now I have no idea how they are doing or even if they are still developing.

As it is pretty much all I can think about, I have been researching what should be happening.

As I had a three day transfer our fertilized eggs still need to develop and turn into a blastocyst (what it is called when it is made up of around 150 cells).

By about 4 days after the transfer (Tuesday or Wednesday) the blastocyst will break out of its 'shell' and hopefully implant into my uterus. Some women will experience some cramping and spotting, however, last time I didn't experience anything.

So unfortunately there is no real way of knowing until I have the blood test on March 12 which is...

two very long weeks away!

Three Years

To be honest after our last let down I was convinced that adoption was going to the direction we were next heading. I got excited and started doing more and more research.

I thought that the best bet for Chris and I would be private adoption as we are hoping to get a baby or very young child. One of the things I was most shocked about was the wait time. It is typically taking couples 3 years to be able to adopt a child.

Three years!

Unfortunately, every year this wait time is getting longer and longer. I think a lot of the reason for this is better availability of birth control, many young girls are now deciding to raise their children as there is less of a stigma as there was in the past, and of course more may be having abortions.

The lady that I was talking to did mention that if we were open to taking in a child whose mother drank alcohol or did drugs while pregnant we would have a better chance of getting a child earlier.

Another thing that I was surprised about was the cost. It costs around $15 000 by the time all is said and done. $5000 is on counseling alone.

To be honest, it was these two things time and cost that made Chris and I decide not to go with this option... at least not now.

Update: I also talked to someone who adopted through the public system and found out it took them FOUR years to be able to adopt their children!

One More Day

So much has happened since my last post.

I went in on Thursday to have another ultrasound and to have my blood work taken. Yet again I found out that my follicles are growing...
growing slowly, but still growing!

The doctor told me he thought they would be big enough to trigger Friday night and therefore have my IUI on Sunday. He asked me to come in on Friday morning (today) for another ultrasound, but that I didn't need to get the blood work taken. I was told I wouldn't have to get a number and wait, but instead they made an appointment for me for 9:25 a,m.

Later that afternoon, I received a phone call that the doctor changed his mind and wanted me to go in for both the blood work and the ultrasound. So my appointment was cancelled and instead I would need to go when the doors opened at 6:00 a.m. to get a number.

Of course when they called I was working and I didn't really process anything. It wasn't until afterwards that I started worrying that they might had found something in my blood work that made him want me to have it taken again.

After work I noticed I had a message on my phone. When I listened to the message it was from someone at the Regional Fertility Clinic. The message mentioned that they wanted me to get the blood work taken and that she wanted to go over the dosages of medication I was taking...

Dosages?

The person I spoke to on the phone hadn't mentioned any change in dosages so of course my mind began spinning yet again. When I tried to call back my call went straight to their answering service. I left a message, but didn't hear back from anyone.

Not sure what to do I just took my regular dosages and hoped for the best!

This morning I woke up with a start at 5:18 and realized I had forgotten to set my alarm the night before. I quickly got ready and drove to the clinic. I was shocked to discover I was going to be fourth in line.

Thank goodness I got fourth as it was extremely busy and I ended up getting to work just as the bell was ringing.

During my ultrasound I was relieved to learn that my follicles had continued growing and that I was ready to trigger. I was a little disappointed to learn that three more follicles had started growing, but that all but one would be too small. (I was disappointed because I had originally hoped to get 5 or 6 follicles so we could switch to IVF- unfortunately my extras came too late.)

With the extra one that might grow large enough I have four follicles... and hopefully four healthy eggs!

Tonight at midnight I will need to take my trigger shot.

Trigger shot- " injection of a medication called HCG, which causes the eggs to complete the maturation process. This is taken only once in the cycle. Release of the eggs should occur about 36-46 hours after the shot."                                          

 - Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago

Then Chris will go into the clinic Sunday morning to give his sperm sample to be washed and I will go in at 1:30 to have the IUI procedure. 

One more day and then it will be completely out of our hands.

Still Growing

This morning I had another appointment to check my blood work and see how my follicles are growing.

And I found out they are growing... albeit slowly!

So they wrote me another prescription for the next couple of days and they want me to go back on Thursday for another ultrasound and blood work.

So there is still hope.

I can't help but think about the phrase 'slowly but surely.'

Hopefully my follicles will slowly but surely grow and mature.
Day 12, shots 37

Still Hoping

On Saturday I went in for yet another ultrasound and to have my blood work taken.

I was happy to learn that my follicles have grown, albeit slowly.

The doctor on call was so sweet and was trying to be so positive. As she came into the room she said:

 "Three follicles! The perfect number we like to see for an IUI';"

not knowing of course that I had been hoping to have enough follicles to switch to IVF. When I mentioned this she said that next time they just have to increase my amounts... again not realizing that I'm already on the highest dose.

But as I keep reminding myself there is still hope. Although, things didn't go as I had initially wanted, there is still a chance that this round will work.

So tomorrow morning I go in again for another ultrasound and to get my blood work taken.

Hopefully my follicles are still growing...

Hopefully there are some healthy eggs growing inside...

Hopefully those eggs mature...

Hopefully this third round is the lucky round we have been waiting for!

Day 11, Shots 33

Disappointed

Sometimes I feel like this is never going to happen for us. 

Today was one of those days. 

I've been trying to psych myself us for this final third round, hoping that the added DHEA was going to make the difference for us- that this time we would get enough eggs to be able to switch to an IVF cycle.

If you haven't already guessed there isn't much hope of that happening.

When I went in for my ultrasound and blood work this morning they only found three follicles and the 0.9 cyst. I asked if there was any chance of growing more and I was told that there is, however, the problem lays in them not growing big enough, fast enough.

So unfortunately there is nothing I can do, but continue taking my meds and keep praying and hoping. 

I go back for another ultrasound and blood work on Thursday.

Asking for all the prayers you can send my way!

Day 5, Shots 12 *

*Every other day I end up having to take an extra Gonal f shot, because there isn't enough in the pen to make the full 450

And it's begun

Well I've officially started this new round! Although I had the blood work and ultrasound done yesterday it wasn't until I took my shots this evening that it felt real.

One of my good friends was asking me if they have changed my procedure this time around and the short answer is no.

I have already been put onto the largest dose they give, but this will be the first time that I have tried while taking DHEA and Coq10.

So here is exactly what I am taking every day...

At breakfast: 1 low dose Aspirin,  25 mg DHEA, 100mg Ubiquinol (CoQ10)

At lunch: 25 mg DHEA, 100 mg Ubiquinol (CoQ10), 1 prenatal vitamin

At 4:25: 1 injection of 450 IU Gonal f, 1 injection of 150 IU Menopur 

At supper: 25 mg DHEA, 100 mg Ubiquinol (CoQ10)

I do this each day until Monday morning at which time I will go in for more blood work and another ultrasound. Depending on what's happening they will either get me to continue or perhaps adjust my meds. 

Fingers crossed I have lots of follicles this time so we can switch over to IVF!

I've been asked how many shots I have to take... and to be honest I have no idea so I've decided to start a running tally.

Day 1- Shots- 2

Third Time`s the Charm

Third time`s the charm- Used to express the hope that, after twice failing to accomplish something, one may succeed in the third attempt.  

  -Oxford dictionaries

Well here we go again!

After having a 55 day cycle last time, this month was only a 19 day cycle! 

When I started my period yesterday I called in to the period hotline right away, and they called me back a couple of hours later to tell me to go in today to get my baseline ultrasound and blood work. 

I honestly think I was a little bit in shock. After all the waiting it was finally here and I was (am)  filled with an overwhelming mix of emotions.

All ultrasounds and blood work at the Regional Fertility Clinic are on a first come, first served basis starting at 7:30 a.m.  The doors to the Cambrian Centre, however, open at 6:00 a.m. and you can get a number and then go back later. 

This morning I got there at 6:03 and got... the number 8!

Apparently there are some very early risers this round! I have never gotten a number so high before and I was nervous that I would be late for work, but luckily I was able to get everything done and still get to work before 9:00.

Instead of waiting in my car, driving to the Tim Horton`s and working on report cards or reading a book, this time I went for a walk. I really enjoyed it so I think it will be my new norm. 

If you have been following my blog you will know that I typically have a cyst on one of my ovaries and this time was no exception. My right ovary was fine, however, the did see a small 0.9 cyst or left over follicle on my left ovary. The doctor assured me that it was nothing to worry about. It is only if they are 1.5 or above that they worry that it might interfere with the cycle.

Tomorrow I will start my injections. I need to take them between 1:00 p.m. and 5:00 p.m.and at the same time each day. I think I am going to take them around 4:00 p.m. Last time they asked me to take them at 1:00, which was fine, but it meant I had to take them at school. I`d rather take them at home in the privacy of my own bathroom if possible. I`ll just have to be careful to make sure I leave work right away so I`m not late taking it.

Here`s hoping that this is lucky number three for us!

Waiting

I thought I should write a quick update of where things stand for us right now.

As per normal we are in the waiting stage...

Honestly I feel as though this is where I spend the majority of my time...

Waiting to see if my period is going to start,
waiting to hear back from the clinic,
waiting to get started on the next cycle,
waiting to see if this is the month I finally get pregnant!

My period finally did come after cycle day 55! Crazy!

I'm currently on day 16 of this new cycle and when my period comes I will call into the Period Hotline to start our new and final cycle. Chris and I weren't

Period Hotline, don't you just love the name?

My nerves have been kicking in, although, I'm trying my best to stay as calm as possible. I actually started watching 'Just for Laughs' and comedians like Wanda Sykes. Her waxing for the first time stand up routine had me laughing so hard I had tears running down my face.

I'll write more often once we actually get started... for now there isn't much to say.

Thankfully I should have report cards finished before the start of the next cycle so at least I won't be trying to both at the same time!

Prometrium

Cycle day 50

As unbelievable as it sounds it has been 50 days since the first day of my last period!

Two negative pregnancy tests later... I just started taking prometrium to kick start my period.

A week after I took the first pregnancy test I called the Calgary Regional Fertility Clinic and told the receptionist what was happening. She called me back the next day and told me my doctor wanted to prescribe prometrium.

"Prometrium uses: Progesterone is a type of female hormone (progestin). This medication is similar to the progesterone that your body naturally makes and is given to replace the hormone when your body is not making enough of it. In women who are not pregnant and not going through menopause, this medication si used to restore normal menstrual periods that have stopped for several months (amenorrhea)." - WebMd

I was surprised that they didn't send me for blood work first to check my hormone levels so I took another pregnancy test... just to be sure. It was of course negative.

So I started taking the prometrium. I take two pills for 10 days before going to bed and then I should start my period within a week or so after the last pills.

When I finally do start I will call in to the period hotline and then they will start my file again and I will start the following month.

As always I'm trying not to get too down and I'm trying to build myself back up again.

The roller coaster ride continues.

 

 



Frustrated

frus-trat-ed

adjective

• feeling or expressing distress and annoyance, especially because of inability to change or achieve something.
• prevented from progressing, succeeding, or being fulfilled.

Cycle day 38!

 

Yes, that's right! I am on cycle day 38 and still no period.

 

This morning I finally broke down and took a pregnancy test and no surprise... it was negative. I am beyond frustrated at this point. Sometimes I feel as though this is all a cruel joke.

 

I'm going to call the Regional Fertility Clinic tomorrow to see what they suggest. I'm assuming they will want to send me for blood work, but I'm not sure. The blood work would be able to help figure out whether I ovulated or not, but wouldn't tell much more.

 

Of course my mind is reeling with all the different possibilities...

 

am I just stressed?

 

going into early menopause?

 

am I somehow miraculously pregnant, but its just too soon... I know this one's not true!

 

Not sure what's happening and just wish someone could tell me exactly what was happening and why!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Still Waiting...

The reason I haven't written a post about our next round is that I am still waiting to start my period! I am currently on cycle day 34 and other than experiencing my typical back pain there is no sign of my period starting.

Can you say frustrating?!

The last time my period was this late it was the month that I was going in to have my surgery. I was so worried at the time that I was going into early menopause, but the nurse assured me it was probably just stress.

So I'm hoping that I'm just stressed about this last cycle...

It is so funny how I can be so stressed that my body will delay having its period yet I don't 'feel' like I am that worried.

I remember when a friend of mine passed away a few years ago. I thought I was doing ok except for having the bad timing of also getting a stomach flu...

Stomach flu? Ha! Not quite!

Turns out I was so upset I actually made myself physically sick!

So here I sit waiting to start my period when normally it is the last thing I want to happen.

Getting Ready...

Last week I went into the Regional Fertility Clinic to have a follow up

appointment after my surgery and to plan our next steps.

I was happy to find out that my uterus is 'normal'. I do have some uterine fibroids, but they are embedded in my uterine wall which I guess is normal. She did say that I had some scar tissue, but she was able to successfully remove it.

She was unsure how I would have gotten it, but it may have been left over from my miscarriage.

So next month we will begin our third and final round of IUI/IVF. We will start with a medicated IUI with the hopes that I will get enough eggs to be able to switch to IVF. (The reason for doing it this way is so that we don't have to put down as much money up front as we would have to if we started with IVF.)

Our doctor also wrote in our file that we would be interested in adopting an embryo if this round doesn't work out for us. Hopefully we won't have to do this, however, if we do it may help to cut down our wait time.

A few of my friends have been confused by this process so I will try and explain it the best I can.

If Chris and I are unable to conceive on our own we have the option of adopting an embryo from another couple who have successfully had their children through IVF. Often couples will get several embryos when trying IVF. Once they have finished having their children couples can decide what they would like to do with their remaining embryos. Some couples offer to donate them to other couples trying to conceive.

There is no charge for the embryos, however, there are legal fees for the adoption process. It can range from $2000- $5000 plus there is also the cost of having the embryos emplanted.

We would be given three chances to conceive and if we are successful we are only given this opportunity once. We wouldn't be able to try again later to have a second child.

As always I am hoping that we will be able to conceive our own child, however, I do feel good that we have this as a possibility if it doesn't work out for us.

I was in Chapters last week and I saw the cutest onesie. It had a simple picture of a turtle and the caption below read 'Worth the Wait'.

As soon as I saw it I lost my breath and my eyes filled up. It is quite literally the perfect onesie.

So now I am getting ready for our next round... dreaming of being able to one day put that perfect onesie on our perfect little baby.

Unsuccessful

I know it has been quite awhile since my last post and I'm sure that not

surprising that our last round was unsuccessful.

As disappointing as it is, I have started building myself back up again.

Chris and I have already decided to wait to try again after Christmas. I need to give myself a break both physically and mentally.

I also know how my brain works and if we try before Christmas I will keep thinking about how it would make a great Christmas present.

I go back to the Calgary Regional Fertility Centre on November 25 for my next appointment with our doctor. This appointment will be to discuss what our next protocol will be.

In the meantime, I will continue to try to eat well and exercise on a regular basis.  Even if it doesn't help me to get pregnant getting healthy is always a good thing. I have been doing well on the eating front and haven't had much trouble not eating meat or dairy.

I am still struggling to keep a regular exercise regiment. That will be my next focus.

Perspective

So after my little pity party last night I went onto to Facebook to get my mind off of everything. While scrolling through my home page I found a touching video of a little girl singing to her mother who has cancer. If you haven't seen the video it is absolutely heart breaking.

The little girl McKenna sings a Martina McBride's song entitled "I'm Going to Love You Through It." The song is all about loving someone going through cancer. In the initial video McKenna surprised her mom by singing the song to her, but since then she sings it to her all the time.

Ellen Degeneres saw a video of her singing to her mom and then invited them onto her show. Ellen also invited Martina McBride to join McKenna in singing it to her mom.

If you haven't seen it here is the link:

 http://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/news/a47977/girl-sings-to-mom-fighting-cancer-on-ellen/

Talk about putting things into perspective!

Does it suck that Chris and I haven't been able to get pregnant again? YES!!!

Does it hurt every single day? YES!!

Do I wish that I could something to change it? YES!!

Could things be worse? YES!!

As awful as it is, I need to remind myself that we are healthy, that we are in a loving relationship, and that we have the love and support of so many family and friends.

Have You Ever Thought About Adoption?

While going through this process Chris and I have had several friends 

and family members ask us if we have considered adoption.

And the truth is yes we have considered adoption, but we are just not ready to give up the hope of having our own biological child.

I remember when I was younger thinking that if I wasn't able to have a child of my own I would just adopt. As if it would be an easy decision with no emotional baggage. 

How neive I was.

So for now we are planning to try at least another couple of attempts of IVF or IUI depending on how my body reacts.

If it doesn't work out for us then we have a few different options:

* Using the donated embryo of another couple 
* Adoption
* Live without children

At this moment we are thinking that we would like to try using the donated embryo of another couple. Although, the child would not be biologically ours, I would carry the child and there seems like there would be a lot less legal issues. 

As with everything in life this is a journey and we don't know what tomorrow will bring so we just keep taking it one step at a time.