Higher

Wednesday morning, in the middle of working, I finally got the call to let me know the results of my blood work.

At first they simply said they wanted me to continue taking my meds.

When I inquired about my HCG levels the nurse told me that they had raised again. With further inquiry I found out they rose to 2139.

When I asked whether those numbers were o.k., she responded that they were rising well, but that we would know more after my ultrasound.

So here I remain in limbo.

I have an appointment with my family doctor tomorrow to let him know what is happening. (The Regional Fertility Clinic advised me to make the appointment.)

Again I am trying to remain positive and will just have to wait to see what happens next Thursday.

So again, I am asking for your thoughts and prayers.

One More Day

So much has happened since my last post.

I went in on Thursday to have another ultrasound and to have my blood work taken. Yet again I found out that my follicles are growing...
growing slowly, but still growing!

The doctor told me he thought they would be big enough to trigger Friday night and therefore have my IUI on Sunday. He asked me to come in on Friday morning (today) for another ultrasound, but that I didn't need to get the blood work taken. I was told I wouldn't have to get a number and wait, but instead they made an appointment for me for 9:25 a,m.

Later that afternoon, I received a phone call that the doctor changed his mind and wanted me to go in for both the blood work and the ultrasound. So my appointment was cancelled and instead I would need to go when the doors opened at 6:00 a.m. to get a number.

Of course when they called I was working and I didn't really process anything. It wasn't until afterwards that I started worrying that they might had found something in my blood work that made him want me to have it taken again.

After work I noticed I had a message on my phone. When I listened to the message it was from someone at the Regional Fertility Clinic. The message mentioned that they wanted me to get the blood work taken and that she wanted to go over the dosages of medication I was taking...

Dosages?

The person I spoke to on the phone hadn't mentioned any change in dosages so of course my mind began spinning yet again. When I tried to call back my call went straight to their answering service. I left a message, but didn't hear back from anyone.

Not sure what to do I just took my regular dosages and hoped for the best!

This morning I woke up with a start at 5:18 and realized I had forgotten to set my alarm the night before. I quickly got ready and drove to the clinic. I was shocked to discover I was going to be fourth in line.

Thank goodness I got fourth as it was extremely busy and I ended up getting to work just as the bell was ringing.

During my ultrasound I was relieved to learn that my follicles had continued growing and that I was ready to trigger. I was a little disappointed to learn that three more follicles had started growing, but that all but one would be too small. (I was disappointed because I had originally hoped to get 5 or 6 follicles so we could switch to IVF- unfortunately my extras came too late.)

With the extra one that might grow large enough I have four follicles... and hopefully four healthy eggs!

Tonight at midnight I will need to take my trigger shot.

Trigger shot- " injection of a medication called HCG, which causes the eggs to complete the maturation process. This is taken only once in the cycle. Release of the eggs should occur about 36-46 hours after the shot."                                          

 - Advanced Fertility Center of Chicago

Then Chris will go into the clinic Sunday morning to give his sperm sample to be washed and I will go in at 1:30 to have the IUI procedure. 

One more day and then it will be completely out of our hands.

Still Growing

This morning I had another appointment to check my blood work and see how my follicles are growing.

And I found out they are growing... albeit slowly!

So they wrote me another prescription for the next couple of days and they want me to go back on Thursday for another ultrasound and blood work.

So there is still hope.

I can't help but think about the phrase 'slowly but surely.'

Hopefully my follicles will slowly but surely grow and mature.
Day 12, shots 37

Still Hoping

On Saturday I went in for yet another ultrasound and to have my blood work taken.

I was happy to learn that my follicles have grown, albeit slowly.

The doctor on call was so sweet and was trying to be so positive. As she came into the room she said:

 "Three follicles! The perfect number we like to see for an IUI';"

not knowing of course that I had been hoping to have enough follicles to switch to IVF. When I mentioned this she said that next time they just have to increase my amounts... again not realizing that I'm already on the highest dose.

But as I keep reminding myself there is still hope. Although, things didn't go as I had initially wanted, there is still a chance that this round will work.

So tomorrow morning I go in again for another ultrasound and to get my blood work taken.

Hopefully my follicles are still growing...

Hopefully there are some healthy eggs growing inside...

Hopefully those eggs mature...

Hopefully this third round is the lucky round we have been waiting for!

Day 11, Shots 33

Third Time`s the Charm

Third time`s the charm- Used to express the hope that, after twice failing to accomplish something, one may succeed in the third attempt.  

  -Oxford dictionaries

Well here we go again!

After having a 55 day cycle last time, this month was only a 19 day cycle! 

When I started my period yesterday I called in to the period hotline right away, and they called me back a couple of hours later to tell me to go in today to get my baseline ultrasound and blood work. 

I honestly think I was a little bit in shock. After all the waiting it was finally here and I was (am)  filled with an overwhelming mix of emotions.

All ultrasounds and blood work at the Regional Fertility Clinic are on a first come, first served basis starting at 7:30 a.m.  The doors to the Cambrian Centre, however, open at 6:00 a.m. and you can get a number and then go back later. 

This morning I got there at 6:03 and got... the number 8!

Apparently there are some very early risers this round! I have never gotten a number so high before and I was nervous that I would be late for work, but luckily I was able to get everything done and still get to work before 9:00.

Instead of waiting in my car, driving to the Tim Horton`s and working on report cards or reading a book, this time I went for a walk. I really enjoyed it so I think it will be my new norm. 

If you have been following my blog you will know that I typically have a cyst on one of my ovaries and this time was no exception. My right ovary was fine, however, the did see a small 0.9 cyst or left over follicle on my left ovary. The doctor assured me that it was nothing to worry about. It is only if they are 1.5 or above that they worry that it might interfere with the cycle.

Tomorrow I will start my injections. I need to take them between 1:00 p.m. and 5:00 p.m.and at the same time each day. I think I am going to take them around 4:00 p.m. Last time they asked me to take them at 1:00, which was fine, but it meant I had to take them at school. I`d rather take them at home in the privacy of my own bathroom if possible. I`ll just have to be careful to make sure I leave work right away so I`m not late taking it.

Here`s hoping that this is lucky number three for us!

Perspective

So after my little pity party last night I went onto to Facebook to get my mind off of everything. While scrolling through my home page I found a touching video of a little girl singing to her mother who has cancer. If you haven't seen the video it is absolutely heart breaking.

The little girl McKenna sings a Martina McBride's song entitled "I'm Going to Love You Through It." The song is all about loving someone going through cancer. In the initial video McKenna surprised her mom by singing the song to her, but since then she sings it to her all the time.

Ellen Degeneres saw a video of her singing to her mom and then invited them onto her show. Ellen also invited Martina McBride to join McKenna in singing it to her mom.

If you haven't seen it here is the link:

 http://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/news/a47977/girl-sings-to-mom-fighting-cancer-on-ellen/

Talk about putting things into perspective!

Does it suck that Chris and I haven't been able to get pregnant again? YES!!!

Does it hurt every single day? YES!!

Do I wish that I could something to change it? YES!!

Could things be worse? YES!!

As awful as it is, I need to remind myself that we are healthy, that we are in a loving relationship, and that we have the love and support of so many family and friends.

Dark Clouds Looming

For the last few days I have been experiencing lower back pain.

On the weekend, Chris and I were winterizing our backyard, and for the last couple of days I kept trying to convince myself that it was because of the yard work that I was experiencing the pain.

Unfortunately, I know that I typically get lower back pain a week before I start my period.

Today all the doubt and worry came crashing down on me and I found myself crying while driving home from work. I just couldn't shake the feeling that yet again it wasn't going to work for us.

When I got home and walked into the door I scared poor Chris half to death.

After explaining what I was feeling he did exactly the right thing... he just held me.

After our hugging session I went to the washroom only to find red spotting... a lot of red spotting!

Definitely not what I was hoping to see!

I feel so frustrated, angry and unbelievably sad. 

I want to yell and scream about the unfairness of our situation. I want to lay on the floor and kick and scream like a two year old. But mostly, I want someone to give me a magical pill which will let us conceive and be able to stay pregnant.

So tonight I'm letting myself cry.

And if I need to I'll let myself cry again tomorrow... and the next night... and the next...

Until eventually I can build myself back up again.

Crazy Dreams

Overall I have felt much more calm this cycle then I did my previous one. Having gone through the process once before, I had less anxiety in giving myself the shots, and I also felt better knowing what to expect each step along the way.

I have been feeling pretty proud of my 'calmness'. That was until the last couple of nights that have been filled with vivid dreams. Now you should know that I rarely remember my dreams. If fact, I only remember one dream every couple of months... if that!

While searching dreams online I found the following quote:

“Dreams allow us to process information or events that may be painful or confusing in an environment that is at once emotionally real but physically unreal.”

Hmm... maybe I haven't been as 'calm' as I thought I was.

The website also talks about how our dreams reveal our “deepest desires and deepest wounds.”  Well considering the fact that all the dreams I have been experiencing have to do with me being pregnant I can agree with that statement!

The most vivid dream that I experienced was one in which I was at work. My good friend and colleague was asking me how I was feeling and I responded that I was feeling ok except for a strange feeling in my lower left abdomen. I then put my hands on the spot and immediately felt a strong pulsation as though I could feel a heartbeat.

Of course that would be completely impossible and yes... I would absolutely love it if it was true!

Thankful

On Saturday, Chris and I hosted Thanksgiving dinner at our house. With my family living in New Brunswick and Chris's parents in B.C., we decided to invite a few of our friends to join us.

What a wonderful evening!

Not only did we have good food to eat (thanks to the help of our friend Matt), but we were also surrounded by great friends who have been so supportive to both me and Chris.


It was a good reminder that we have so much to be grateful for! 

If you are experiencing infertility, it can be easy to slip into the 'oh woe is me' mode. If you are not careful it can out shadow everything else in your life.

While I was getting ready for bed last night, I remembered an Oprah episode in which she was encouraging her audience to keep a daily gratitude journal. The idea was to write down five things that they were grateful for each and every day.

“The single greatest thing you can do to change your life today would be to start being grateful for what you have right now. And the more grateful you are, the more you get.”

— Oprah Winfrey

Here is a list of just of few of the things that I am grateful for:

1. My partner in everything, Chris
2. My loving family (including my fantastic in-laws!)
3. Our amazing friends
4. Our fur babies (Cujo and Leo)
5. My health, and the health of all my loved ones
6. Living in Canada
7. Actually having a fall this year (In Calgary we often skip fall and go straight to winter)
8. My job, that sometimes can be all consuming, but I couldn't imagine doing anything else
9. The internet, which allows me to stay in contact with my friends and family
10. Curling up with a good book

All Done... Except the Waiting

On Wednesday I went in at 10:30 a.m. and had our IUI procedure done. Like last time, Chris had to go in at 7:30 a.m. to give his sperm sample so that they could wash it before my appointment.

The procedure went well, and I felt much more relaxed after having already experienced it. In fact, this time I only experienced some slight cramping.

If you are interested in reading more details about what happens during an IUI you may want to read my previous post entitled: Fingers Crossed. http://lazzyeggs.blogspot.ca/2015/06/fingers-crossed.html

I know we only have a 20% chance of success, but when I think of the fact that Chris provided 64 million sperm and I provided three eggs; I find it hard to imagine that yet again it might not work.

64 million sperm and three eggs!

It seems almost impossible for it not to work.

The one thing I keep holding on to is that if it doesn't work this time we are planning to give it one more try.

I've started taking the Endometrin three times a day and will also continue taking the low dose asprin. (Endometrin is an effervescent progesterone tablet that is used to prepare the uterine lining so it is ready to receive and nourish a fertilized egg and support early pregnancy.)

It was while I was on the Endometrin that I experienced the most side effects last time. I'm hoping that since I will be working this time, I will be too busy to notice them.

I was also given the paper work to have my pregnancy test done on October 25.  That's 2 and a half weeks or 18 days past the date when I had the procedure... not that I'm counting!

So like last time we're asking for as many well wishes, fingers crossed and prayers that you can provide.

Nerves

This weekend my nerves finally kicked in.

Up until now I have been going along not really thinking too much about the possible outcomes.

Sunday morning I went in at 8:30 to have my blood work and ultrasound done. Because they were extremely busy, I was asked to go back at 10:30 to get my results.

When I went back they told me they wanted me to give myself another round of meds. Then on Monday I was to give myself a shot of Cetrotide to prevent me from ovulating early. At 11:00 p.m. Monday night I would be triggering, and that we would be doing the IUI on Wednesday.

Ever since I have been feeling like a cat on a hot tin roof.  I can't seem to keep my nerves under control.

I guess it's because I'm coming to the point of it being out of my control again.

I have one more shot to take and after Wednesday I will just have to wait and see.

Like last time I am trying to remain 'cautiously optomistic.' Although 20% isn't the best odds, it definitely beats the 5% we have on our own.

First, Second, Third...

Life is filled with so many wierd coincidences.

When I went for my first ultrasound and blood work I was first in line.
 
When I went for my second ultrasound and blood work I was second in line.
 
And yes, you guessed it,  today when I went for my third ultrasound and blood work I was third in line!
 
Such a strange coincidence!
 
I am happy to report that I got good news at my appointment. My follicles are growing nicely. In fact, the doctor on call stated that he thinks I'll be able to trigger Sunday night and have the IUI procedure done on Tuesday.

I have another ultrasound Sunday morning and I will know more then.
 
I can't believe how quickly everything is happening this round. Last time I was told I have slow growing follicles, but the new medication cycle seems to be working better for me.

Finger's crossed this will be the cycle we have been praying for.

Three

I had my second blood work and ultrasound taken on Wednesday. Like during my last cycle they don't make appointments and the appointments are on a first come, first served policy.

One thing that they have recently changed is now they have a container in the main hallway in which they have numbers you can take at 6:00 a.m. and then return at 7:30 when they open.

This means I no longer need to line up in the stairwell. Because I am able to leave, I have been going to the Tim Horton's down the road. (There isn't enough time for me to go home and I've been enjoying having a moment to sit and relax).

My appointment showed that I have three follicles growing... my body seems to like the number three for some reason. That was the exact number I had last time.

I was told to continue taking the meds and to return on Friday (tomorrow) morning for another ultrasound and bloodwork.

So tomorrow I will get up at 5:00 a.m. finger's crossed that I'll get there early enough to get one of the first appointments, and that my results from the ultrasound will be good.

Unnecessary Panic

As I mentioned before, I am now taking my shots at 1:00 p.m.

This means that I am having to take my shots at work.

Now I don't mind taking the shots in public as I did it a few times last time, however, the last (only) two times I've done it - something has gone wrong.

The first day I had a little left in my first Gonal F pen so I needed to bring another one with me. Unfortunately, I accidentally took the wrong Gonal F pen out of the fridge.

Instead of one of the 900 IU pens, I grabbed the 300 IU pen. This was an issue because I needed to take 450 IUs.

I ended up not getting 12.5 IUs. Because I was at work and couldn't just grab another pen I was feeling panicked.  I called the Pharmacy right away, but of course it went straight to their recording.

I didn't hear back from them so I rushed home right after work, took another pen out of the fridge and cranked it to 12.5.

Guess what? 

It turns out 12.5 IUs is a minuscule amount... But I still took it just in case (even though it was four hours after when I was supposed to take it).

After that I immediately got out a new pen, double checked it,  and got everything else ready for the next day. I put everything into one of our reusable shopping bags so it would be ready to go the next day.

Fast forward to 12:50 the next day- I go to grab my meds out of my bag and realize I grabbed the wrong bag!!!! In a panic I jumped in my car and drove as fast as I could to get home.

Murphy's Law I ended up behind 4 dump trucks... Not kidding! Not just one, but four!

Needless to say it was the quickest I've ever taken my shots!

Thankfully both times everything turned out ok.

p.s. I now have a bright yellow bag that I am planning to put my meds in so that I don't accidentally take the wrong bag again!

New Schedule

So this time around my schedule and the drugs that I am taking are slightly different. 

To begin with, I didn't do a month of birth control first. Instead as soon as I started my period I called it in and then the next day went in for my baseline ultrasound and blood work.

The ultrasound showed that I had a cyst on my left ovary, but my bloodwork showed that it wasn't producing estrogen so it was ok for me to go ahead this month.

So for the next four days I take 450 IUs of Gonal F and 150 IUs of Menopur. I also take one low dose Asprin.

Then, on Wednesday I go in for another ultrasound and bloodwork to see how my body is responding.

After that, depending on how my body is responding, I will also start taking 0.25 mg of Cetrotide to prevent my body from ovulating early. The Centrotide needs to be taken at 1:00 p.m..

I will continue the three different drugs for about 10 more days. (around Oct. 10th). If everything looks good then I will do the trigger shot and then I would do the HGC trigger shot and then around 35 hours later do the insemination.

*This month I am only taking one shot of Gonal F and Menopur a day. I'm taking them at 1:00 p.m. instead of 7:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. like last time.

This means I am having to do the shots at work rather than at home. Luckily I've found taking the shots is kind of like riding a bike... you don't forget!