Unnecessary Panic

As I mentioned before, I am now taking my shots at 1:00 p.m.

This means that I am having to take my shots at work.

Now I don't mind taking the shots in public as I did it a few times last time, however, the last (only) two times I've done it - something has gone wrong.

The first day I had a little left in my first Gonal F pen so I needed to bring another one with me. Unfortunately, I accidentally took the wrong Gonal F pen out of the fridge.

Instead of one of the 900 IU pens, I grabbed the 300 IU pen. This was an issue because I needed to take 450 IUs.

I ended up not getting 12.5 IUs. Because I was at work and couldn't just grab another pen I was feeling panicked.  I called the Pharmacy right away, but of course it went straight to their recording.

I didn't hear back from them so I rushed home right after work, took another pen out of the fridge and cranked it to 12.5.

Guess what? 

It turns out 12.5 IUs is a minuscule amount... But I still took it just in case (even though it was four hours after when I was supposed to take it).

After that I immediately got out a new pen, double checked it,  and got everything else ready for the next day. I put everything into one of our reusable shopping bags so it would be ready to go the next day.

Fast forward to 12:50 the next day- I go to grab my meds out of my bag and realize I grabbed the wrong bag!!!! In a panic I jumped in my car and drove as fast as I could to get home.

Murphy's Law I ended up behind 4 dump trucks... Not kidding! Not just one, but four!

Needless to say it was the quickest I've ever taken my shots!

Thankfully both times everything turned out ok.

p.s. I now have a bright yellow bag that I am planning to put my meds in so that I don't accidentally take the wrong bag again!

New Schedule

So this time around my schedule and the drugs that I am taking are slightly different. 

To begin with, I didn't do a month of birth control first. Instead as soon as I started my period I called it in and then the next day went in for my baseline ultrasound and blood work.

The ultrasound showed that I had a cyst on my left ovary, but my bloodwork showed that it wasn't producing estrogen so it was ok for me to go ahead this month.

So for the next four days I take 450 IUs of Gonal F and 150 IUs of Menopur. I also take one low dose Asprin.

Then, on Wednesday I go in for another ultrasound and bloodwork to see how my body is responding.

After that, depending on how my body is responding, I will also start taking 0.25 mg of Cetrotide to prevent my body from ovulating early. The Centrotide needs to be taken at 1:00 p.m..

I will continue the three different drugs for about 10 more days. (around Oct. 10th). If everything looks good then I will do the trigger shot and then I would do the HGC trigger shot and then around 35 hours later do the insemination.

*This month I am only taking one shot of Gonal F and Menopur a day. I'm taking them at 1:00 p.m. instead of 7:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. like last time.

This means I am having to do the shots at work rather than at home. Luckily I've found taking the shots is kind of like riding a bike... you don't forget!

Here We Go... Again

It's funny how difficult it is to put into words the myriad of emotions

I have been experiencing the last few weeks.

I am happy to be trying again, worried, and I also wonder if I should have waited another month so that hopefully my healthy eating will somehow provide the miracle we are so desperately hoping for. 

I had a difficult time after our first appointment this round.

Looking back, I realize I started getting emotional before I even got to our appointment. Then, after our doctor reviewed what happened last time, I was a mess.

Our doctor reiterated that I had been on the highest drugs possible but had been a 'poor responder'. She then asked what we wanted to do. Did we wanted to try again or did we want to move onto next steps. 

We decided that we wanted to try a couple more times before moving on and using an embryo from another couple.

I guess I had been hoping for some enthusiasm from her, but we really didn't get any. ( I understand that she deals with infertile couples constantly and that she can't guarantee anything, but a little bit of optimism would have been appreciated.)

After the appointment I was feeling really defeated and guilty. As I have mentioned before, I have struggled with the fact that I may be preventing Chris from having his own biological child. 

The one blessing that came out of all this was that Chris and I had a really good discussion after we got home. I asked him if we weren't able to get pregnant if he would want for us to use an egg from my sister, or a stranger, so that it would be his own biological child. Without hesitation, Chris responded no because no matter what it would be OUR child and he didn't care if it had our DNA. 

As my good friend Jane said, I picked a good one!

I can't even begin to express how much stress lifted off of me. 

So here we are starting our second round. I've had my first blood work and ultrasound which turned out ok. I have a cyst on my left ovary, however, it isn't producing estrogen so we were good to go. 

I've taken two days of shots and have my next blood work and ultrasound on Wednesday. Here's hoping for better results this time around.

You're Doing What?

I have had a lot of strong reactions when I've told people that I am eating 'vegan'. I've heard every comment from: 'why,' 'are you crazy,' the ever popular 'I could never do that,' and I even got one 'that's awesome'!

Most people are very supportive when I explain that I am doing it for health reasons.

I have been eating 'vegan' for just over a month and so far it has been going really well. Pinterest has been amazing. I honestly don't know if I would have been able to do it without all the delicous recipes I have been able to find. I especially love all the curries!

Eating out hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be. I've been out a few times now and each time I was able to easily find something that I thought was vegan. (There are normally vegetarian options at most restaurants and Asian restaurants are especially easy.)

I am hoping that by eating vegan I will be able to lower my blood pressure and make my body strong and healthy so that hopefully we will have better chances for our next IVF/IUI round.

Now that I have my eating organized and under control, I've also started working out again. I find working out in the morning works best because, to be honest, by the time I get home from work, make supper and clean up I'm exhausted!

* I need to clarify that although I am not eating any meat, fish or dairy products I am not necessarily eating vegan. For example: I just found out that most wines use animal products in their fining process. I having been using the term vegan because I didn't realize or understand the many facets of veganism.

Have You Ever Thought About Adoption?

While going through this process Chris and I have had several friends 

and family members ask us if we have considered adoption.

And the truth is yes we have considered adoption, but we are just not ready to give up the hope of having our own biological child.

I remember when I was younger thinking that if I wasn't able to have a child of my own I would just adopt. As if it would be an easy decision with no emotional baggage. 

How neive I was.

So for now we are planning to try at least another couple of attempts of IVF or IUI depending on how my body reacts.

If it doesn't work out for us then we have a few different options:

* Using the donated embryo of another couple 
* Adoption
* Live without children

At this moment we are thinking that we would like to try using the donated embryo of another couple. Although, the child would not be biologically ours, I would carry the child and there seems like there would be a lot less legal issues. 

As with everything in life this is a journey and we don't know what tomorrow will bring so we just keep taking it one step at a time.