Not Viable

 We did not get the news that we were praying for.

On Monday we went in for our ultrasound hoping that our baby's heartbeat had gotten stronger.

Unfortunately, they weren't able to find a heartbeat at all.

Not only was there no heartbeat, but they also said that our pregnancy had regressed.

I think the worst part for me was the devastation that I saw on Chris's face.

He stayed so positive throughout this whole ordeal. In fact he was initially excited when we first saw the ultrasound because he could see the gestational sack and thought the baby was fine. When she told us she couldn't find the heartbeat he looked shocked and then shattered.

After the ultrasound we went upstairs and talked with our fertility doctor. She expressed her condolences and made another appointment for me for next week.

After the ultrasound I stopped the estrogen and progesterone. Now it will be just a wait game. I haven't started bleeding yet and have no idea when it will start.

I took today off work, but am planning to go back tomorrow.

I don't think I can handle sitting around waiting for the miscarriage. Last time it took weeks before it started and lasted about a week.

Although I couldn't seem to stop crying yesterday, today I have been feeling completely numb. 

I want to thank all my amazing friends and family who have been so supportive. I honestly don't know what I would do without you all.

Prometrium

Cycle day 50

As unbelievable as it sounds it has been 50 days since the first day of my last period!

Two negative pregnancy tests later... I just started taking prometrium to kick start my period.

A week after I took the first pregnancy test I called the Calgary Regional Fertility Clinic and told the receptionist what was happening. She called me back the next day and told me my doctor wanted to prescribe prometrium.

"Prometrium uses: Progesterone is a type of female hormone (progestin). This medication is similar to the progesterone that your body naturally makes and is given to replace the hormone when your body is not making enough of it. In women who are not pregnant and not going through menopause, this medication si used to restore normal menstrual periods that have stopped for several months (amenorrhea)." - WebMd

I was surprised that they didn't send me for blood work first to check my hormone levels so I took another pregnancy test... just to be sure. It was of course negative.

So I started taking the prometrium. I take two pills for 10 days before going to bed and then I should start my period within a week or so after the last pills.

When I finally do start I will call in to the period hotline and then they will start my file again and I will start the following month.

As always I'm trying not to get too down and I'm trying to build myself back up again.

The roller coaster ride continues.

 

 



Still Waiting...

The reason I haven't written a post about our next round is that I am still waiting to start my period! I am currently on cycle day 34 and other than experiencing my typical back pain there is no sign of my period starting.

Can you say frustrating?!

The last time my period was this late it was the month that I was going in to have my surgery. I was so worried at the time that I was going into early menopause, but the nurse assured me it was probably just stress.

So I'm hoping that I'm just stressed about this last cycle...

It is so funny how I can be so stressed that my body will delay having its period yet I don't 'feel' like I am that worried.

I remember when a friend of mine passed away a few years ago. I thought I was doing ok except for having the bad timing of also getting a stomach flu...

Stomach flu? Ha! Not quite!

Turns out I was so upset I actually made myself physically sick!

So here I sit waiting to start my period when normally it is the last thing I want to happen.

No Surprise... Surprise

This morning I received a phone call from the Calgary Regional Fertility Centre confirming that my blood work came out negative and I am not pregnant.

That wasn't a surprise, however, I was surprised when she went on to tell me that my progesterone levels showed that I had just ovulated or was just about to ovulate.

So the good news is that my surgery will go on Wednesday.

However, I'm not sure why my body chose to ovulate so late this month... I know they mentioned that stress can cause a women to have a delayed period, but can it also cause you to ovulate late???

I've been taking DHEA and CoQ10 on the advice of my fertility doctor and I'm not sure if they may have caused my late ovulation.

DHEA- is a hormone that is thought to be essential for women to produce and develop healthy eggs. There is some evidence to show that taking DHEA (if a woman`s levels are low) can improve egg quality which will improve chances of implantation and lower the chances of miscarriage.

CoQ10- is an antioxidant that our bodies naturally make. Like DHEA, CoQ10 levels tend to decrease as we age. Taking CoQ10 supplements is thought to help with egg quality.

There has been some evidence that taking these two supplements can help older women increase their egg quality, their chances of spontaneous pregnancies, increase IVF pregnancy rates, and decrease chances of miscarriage.

Slap in the Face

Sometimes I just don't understand.

Just when I'm building myself up to have my surgery on Wednesday I get what feels like yet another slap in the face...

I have to go in for bloodwork tomorrow morning because I am currently on cycle day 34 and still haven't gotten my period. Now before anyone gets excited, I already took a pregnancy test on Tuesday (cycle day 31) and it was negative.

In fact, the only reason I called the clinic was because I was concerned that not having my period could cause an issue with the surgery.

Of course as soon as she said that they wanted to send me for bloodwork to make sure I wasn't pregnant I immediately teared up. I know that there is about a 0.23% chance of me being pregnant right now, but there is still that little part of me that keeps hoping for a miracle.

The funny (?) thing is when my period didn't come around Day 25 (which it typically does) I was excited because I thought my cycle was going to be an average 28 day cycle. I thought perhaps the DHEA that my doctor prescribed was working.

One of the concerns I had when my period didn't come and I got the negative pregnancy test was that I was going into menopause. Thankfully when I voiced my concern with the lady from the Regional Fertitlity Clinic she reassured me that it was very unlikely and probably due to stress over my operation on Wednesday.

So I'll get up tomorrow and get the blood work done... even though I already know what the result will be.