Not Viable

 We did not get the news that we were praying for.

On Monday we went in for our ultrasound hoping that our baby's heartbeat had gotten stronger.

Unfortunately, they weren't able to find a heartbeat at all.

Not only was there no heartbeat, but they also said that our pregnancy had regressed.

I think the worst part for me was the devastation that I saw on Chris's face.

He stayed so positive throughout this whole ordeal. In fact he was initially excited when we first saw the ultrasound because he could see the gestational sack and thought the baby was fine. When she told us she couldn't find the heartbeat he looked shocked and then shattered.

After the ultrasound we went upstairs and talked with our fertility doctor. She expressed her condolences and made another appointment for me for next week.

After the ultrasound I stopped the estrogen and progesterone. Now it will be just a wait game. I haven't started bleeding yet and have no idea when it will start.

I took today off work, but am planning to go back tomorrow.

I don't think I can handle sitting around waiting for the miscarriage. Last time it took weeks before it started and lasted about a week.

Although I couldn't seem to stop crying yesterday, today I have been feeling completely numb. 

I want to thank all my amazing friends and family who have been so supportive. I honestly don't know what I would do without you all.

Ongoing

It has been so hard for me to write this post.

Last Friday I went in to have my ultrasound with both my husband and my dad.

We were overjoyed to see our baby and to actually be able to see its heartbeat.

Our joy soon turned to confusion and fear when our technician explained that our baby was measuring 6 weeks and 1 day instead of 7 weeks. She also went on to tell us that our heartbeat was low at 73 instead of being over 100.

They explained that there is a chance that the heart rate can increase and we could still have a normal pregnancy, but that there is cause for concern that it will not be a viable pregnancy.

They contacted the Regional Fertility Clinic to let them know the results of our ultrasound.

We were asked to go upstairs where we waited for about an hour to talk to one of the doctors working.

When we finally got in it was completely awful. The doctor we saw had absolutely no bed side manner. I know they need to be honest with us, however, he immediately told us that we need to prepare that we were going to have a miscarriage.

Chris was so upset he interrupted him to explain that I had been through this before and that we didn't need to hear all this negativity. He went on to say that we would have appreciated some positively or at least been given a glimmer of hope.

We left devastated and with me in tears.

I have another ultrasound booked for Monday.

Now all I can do is pray for a miracle... and yet again, I am asking for all your prayers as well. 

Still rising

On Friday morning I went again to have my blood work taken.

My wait was much longer than it was on Tuesday. Of course, the longer I waited the more my nerves started kicking in.

The woman who took my blood commented on the fact that I had been there the other day and asked if I had to return again.

I filled her in on what was happening and she kindly told me that it was a good sign that they were rising.

After the blood work I went home and tried to keep myself occupied while waiting to see if I was going to hear the results.

By 3:00 I felt like a cat on a hot tin roof!

When I finally got the phone call it was mixed news yet again...

My levels rose. This time to 717  YAY!!!

It is great news that they are going up, unfortunately they are still slightly lower than they would like. BOO!!!

So yet again I need to go for blood work. They've asked me to go again on Tuesday.

The nurse did tell me to make an appointment with my family doctor and to let him know that I am pregnant. She also booked an ultrasound appointment for me on March 30.

I'm thinking (hoping) that it is positive that they got me to make an appointment with my doctor. The nurse also mentioned that they are really picky about the HSG levels at the clinic.

So here I am in lingo once again with my fingers crossed and asking for still more prayers.

The Procedure

Chris and I arrived at the Regional Fertility Clinic for 12:00 yesterday.

I was feeling anxious, but Chris did a great job calming me down and even managed to make me laugh. On the drive there he made up a variety of 'imagine if' scenarios and even started chanting "Triplets, Triplets, Triplets!"

It was completely ridiculous, but it worked!

A few minutes after arriving we were called back, asked to verify our names and given gowns and booties to put on... including Chris.

Then we were brought into the procedural room and again were asked to verify our names, as well as identify our names on the petri dish which contained our embryos.

The embryologist who has been monitoring our eggs then informed us of some good news:

One of our 6 celled embryos had become a 7 celled embryo!

This means there is still hope for that little guy. Our doctor then decided to implant just two of the embryos- the one 8 celled and the now 7 celled embryo.

So now we don't have to worry about triplets... not that I was really concerned.

The transfer procedure itself was very similar to an IUI procedure except this time the doctor used an ultrasound to visually place our embryos into my uterus.

Similar to receiving a pap smear, my legs were put into stirrups, a speculum was inserted, and then a catheter was inserted into my uterus. Once she got the catheter into place our embryos were put into a syringe and then released into my uterus. Other than being a little uncomfortable it was completely painless.

The really amazing thing though was that we were able to watch all this take place on the ultrasound monitor. Although the embryos are too small to see, we were able to clearly see the air bubble that they were inside.

They then checked to make sure that the embryos were in the air bubble and not stuck somewhere in the syringe. Once that was verified they left me to relax on the bed for a few minutes.

Before leaving, Chris and I were given a photo of our two embryos. Chris also took a picture of the monitor which showed our embryos (or rather the air bubble) in my uterus.

Imagine how cool it would be if we do become pregnant and these turn out to be our first official baby photos!

It is so surreal to think I have two embryos floating around inside of my uterus. I know that there is a chance that they will not continue to grow or that they don't end up implanting, however, I am trying to remain cautiously optimistic.

*They will continue monitoring our other embryos for four days and if they make it to the blastocyst stage they will freeze them for possible future attempts.

Day 3 Transfer

Just after six o'clock this morning I received a phone call from the Regional Fertility Clinic. As soon as I saw who it was I jumped out of bed realizing if they were phoning that early it probably wasn't the best news.

It wasn't.

Only one of our fertilized eggs have made it to 8 cells. (Each day after fertilization the cells are expected to double.)

We have one 8 cell, two 6 cell and two 5 cell embryos...

So they want me to come in at noon today to have my transfer.

She asked me if I would be comfortable with transferring three... The one 8 cell and the two 6 cell embryos. I said yes, but she then informed me that the decision will ultimately be that of the doctor who will be performing the transfer.

So after a good cry with my mom over the phone, I've taken a few big deep breaths and am now prepping for the transfer. Which means:

At 11:00 I need to 'void' my bladder and then drink two-three glasses of water so that I will have a full bladder.

I was also asked not to wear any perfumes or use strong smelling bathing products.

So if you are reading this I'm asking for your prayers and best wishes.

p.s. The other two 5 cell embryos will be monitored to see if somehow they continue to grow, although it doesn't look good and she told me that they don't anticipate being able to freeze them.