No Surprise... Surprise

This morning I received a phone call from the Calgary Regional Fertility Centre confirming that my blood work came out negative and I am not pregnant.

That wasn't a surprise, however, I was surprised when she went on to tell me that my progesterone levels showed that I had just ovulated or was just about to ovulate.

So the good news is that my surgery will go on Wednesday.

However, I'm not sure why my body chose to ovulate so late this month... I know they mentioned that stress can cause a women to have a delayed period, but can it also cause you to ovulate late???

I've been taking DHEA and CoQ10 on the advice of my fertility doctor and I'm not sure if they may have caused my late ovulation.

DHEA- is a hormone that is thought to be essential for women to produce and develop healthy eggs. There is some evidence to show that taking DHEA (if a woman`s levels are low) can improve egg quality which will improve chances of implantation and lower the chances of miscarriage.

CoQ10- is an antioxidant that our bodies naturally make. Like DHEA, CoQ10 levels tend to decrease as we age. Taking CoQ10 supplements is thought to help with egg quality.

There has been some evidence that taking these two supplements can help older women increase their egg quality, their chances of spontaneous pregnancies, increase IVF pregnancy rates, and decrease chances of miscarriage.

Slap in the Face

Sometimes I just don't understand.

Just when I'm building myself up to have my surgery on Wednesday I get what feels like yet another slap in the face...

I have to go in for bloodwork tomorrow morning because I am currently on cycle day 34 and still haven't gotten my period. Now before anyone gets excited, I already took a pregnancy test on Tuesday (cycle day 31) and it was negative.

In fact, the only reason I called the clinic was because I was concerned that not having my period could cause an issue with the surgery.

Of course as soon as she said that they wanted to send me for bloodwork to make sure I wasn't pregnant I immediately teared up. I know that there is about a 0.23% chance of me being pregnant right now, but there is still that little part of me that keeps hoping for a miracle.

The funny (?) thing is when my period didn't come around Day 25 (which it typically does) I was excited because I thought my cycle was going to be an average 28 day cycle. I thought perhaps the DHEA that my doctor prescribed was working.

One of the concerns I had when my period didn't come and I got the negative pregnancy test was that I was going into menopause. Thankfully when I voiced my concern with the lady from the Regional Fertitlity Clinic she reassured me that it was very unlikely and probably due to stress over my operation on Wednesday.

So I'll get up tomorrow and get the blood work done... even though I already know what the result will be.

Uterine Fibroids

I had my vaginal ultrasound and sonohysterogram on Tuesday. As I mentioned in my last post the sonohysterogram is a painful procedure, but one that can help doctors to discover why a woman may be experiencing infertility.

Not only did I discover that I have fibroids, but I also received some unexpected news. It turns out that one of them is spanning almost the full way across my uterus. Although the doctor isn't concerned about it for my health; she did say that it could possibly interfer with an embryo implanting.

If like me you don't know what uterine fibroids are I looked them up on trusty old google and here is what I found out:

"Uterine fibroids are noncancerous growths that develop in or just outside a woman’s uterus (womb). Uterine fibroids develop from normal uterus muscle cells that start growing abnormally. As the cells grow, they form a benign tumor...  Uterine fibroids are extremely common. In fact, many women have uterine fibroids at some point in life. Uterine fibroids in most women are usually too small to cause any problems, or even be noticed." WebMD

She then told me it was up to me whether I wanted to go ahead with our last round or have surgery to have it removed first. In order to have the best possible chance she recommended that I have the surgery.

So that is exactly what I have decided to have done.

I received a phone call from the clinic today to let me know that they have scheduled me in for March 2nd. They are going to send me an information package to let me know more about the procedure and prep.

I know that it is only a day surgery so although I'm a little nervous I feel pretty good about having it done. I will probably only have to miss a couple of days from work and there should be minimal pain and/or cramping.

Part of me wonders how long I've had this particular fibroid and if it is the reason the last two sessions didn't work.

I'll be glad to be going into the last try knowing that I have done everything I possibly can to make this round successful!

Next Steps

I've had quite a few people message me to ask what our next steps are going to be.

Let me start by apologizing for not posting sooner. As I have been using this as a personal journal, I forgot about friends who don't see me every day who have been following my blog to keep informed of our fertility journey.

At my last appointment I told our fertility specialist that Chris and I were going to give IUI/IVF one last try.

Our doctor suggested that before we try another round that I get another ultrasound as well another sonohysterogram. The ultrasound I was not concern about, however, the sonohysterogram is another story. The last time I had it done it was really painful and I was hoping that I wouldn't have to do it again.

If you have never had to experience a sonohysterogram consider yourself lucky! Here is a run down of the procedure: After a vaginal ultrasound my doctor will inject sterile water into my uterus and fallopian tubes via a narrow tube inserted through my cervix. The procedure checks for polyps, fibroids, lesions, masses, defects or scarring which could interfere with fertility.

I read online that most women don't experience very much discomfort with the procedure. I believe the reason I experienced so much pain was because my left fallopian tube seemed to be partially blocked. By having me move around on the table they were able to get the water out of it, but to say it was not fun would be an understatement.

I don't really need to prep for the procedure other than to take an antibiotic twice a day starting the day before the procedure. They also recommend that you take two Aleves an hour before.

I had to call them on the first day of my period to book the appointment. I got the call yesterday that they were able to get me an appointment for next Wednesday. Until then we need to prevent pregnancy (shouldn't be a problem!) and I also need to take a pregnancy test the morning of the procedure just in case.

If everything looks ok after the procdure we will go ahead with another medicated IUI round with the understanding that I would switch to IVF if we got enough egg follicles.

Here's hoping that the third time's the charm!

Unsuccessful

I know it has been quite awhile since my last post and I'm sure that not

surprising that our last round was unsuccessful.

As disappointing as it is, I have started building myself back up again.

Chris and I have already decided to wait to try again after Christmas. I need to give myself a break both physically and mentally.

I also know how my brain works and if we try before Christmas I will keep thinking about how it would make a great Christmas present.

I go back to the Calgary Regional Fertility Centre on November 25 for my next appointment with our doctor. This appointment will be to discuss what our next protocol will be.

In the meantime, I will continue to try to eat well and exercise on a regular basis.  Even if it doesn't help me to get pregnant getting healthy is always a good thing. I have been doing well on the eating front and haven't had much trouble not eating meat or dairy.

I am still struggling to keep a regular exercise regiment. That will be my next focus.

Perspective

So after my little pity party last night I went onto to Facebook to get my mind off of everything. While scrolling through my home page I found a touching video of a little girl singing to her mother who has cancer. If you haven't seen the video it is absolutely heart breaking.

The little girl McKenna sings a Martina McBride's song entitled "I'm Going to Love You Through It." The song is all about loving someone going through cancer. In the initial video McKenna surprised her mom by singing the song to her, but since then she sings it to her all the time.

Ellen Degeneres saw a video of her singing to her mom and then invited them onto her show. Ellen also invited Martina McBride to join McKenna in singing it to her mom.

If you haven't seen it here is the link:

 http://www.cosmopolitan.com/entertainment/news/a47977/girl-sings-to-mom-fighting-cancer-on-ellen/

Talk about putting things into perspective!

Does it suck that Chris and I haven't been able to get pregnant again? YES!!!

Does it hurt every single day? YES!!

Do I wish that I could something to change it? YES!!

Could things be worse? YES!!

As awful as it is, I need to remind myself that we are healthy, that we are in a loving relationship, and that we have the love and support of so many family and friends.

Dark Clouds Looming

For the last few days I have been experiencing lower back pain.

On the weekend, Chris and I were winterizing our backyard, and for the last couple of days I kept trying to convince myself that it was because of the yard work that I was experiencing the pain.

Unfortunately, I know that I typically get lower back pain a week before I start my period.

Today all the doubt and worry came crashing down on me and I found myself crying while driving home from work. I just couldn't shake the feeling that yet again it wasn't going to work for us.

When I got home and walked into the door I scared poor Chris half to death.

After explaining what I was feeling he did exactly the right thing... he just held me.

After our hugging session I went to the washroom only to find red spotting... a lot of red spotting!

Definitely not what I was hoping to see!

I feel so frustrated, angry and unbelievably sad. 

I want to yell and scream about the unfairness of our situation. I want to lay on the floor and kick and scream like a two year old. But mostly, I want someone to give me a magical pill which will let us conceive and be able to stay pregnant.

So tonight I'm letting myself cry.

And if I need to I'll let myself cry again tomorrow... and the next night... and the next...

Until eventually I can build myself back up again.